My Brief Life.
"Everyone wonders where to get inspiration. I believe its from the people around you."
I grew up around 2 best guy friends. Our parents were friends. They were pretty great friends, see no one really knows how a child-hood should be and no one can tell you either.
Yet I can say mine was comfortable, My friends & me knew when our parent’s where having issues. We would talk about it in between us. One of my great childhood friends, wen’t through a parental divorce. I don’t think it really bothered him as people thought it did, I think it was the people who bothered him. Alway’s asking question, wondering how are you feeling. He never seemed sad when around us, I always saw him happy but I guess when we are young we don’t really notice the detail or emotions in another person.
Then I had another friend. A best-friend, always together. That’s until we got older, we sorta blame our parent’s for that for they all kinda stopped talking and hanging out so we did too. The thing was people thought we were playing video games 24/7 even though we were, we would also talk about other things as in how are the things around us and what’s been going in. We never really had a dull moment.
The last time I seen them has been only at funeral’s and wedding’s. I guess we do learn from our parents because we always say we are gonna hang out. The time has not yet to come. I think there will be a time for when we will get together at our own reach. I loved their attitude always so hyped for what the world can bring them, they never bored a moment to where they would just sit around and wait. People thought they were nerds or geeks. I alway’s thought they would grow up to be someone smart and big. I never really saw myself becoming someone as big as they would. Year’s passed and now one is in college making the best in life. The other I hardly hear from for I think threw the years of distance the trust grew apart too.
I feel I drifted away when it came to junior high. I met who I knew was going to be one of my bestfriend’s. She was not like everyone else, she had black curly hair and was dark skinned like brazilian. She wasn’t the typical skinny. Yet she was confident not in what she looks like but who she is and what she is going to be. We became great friends, even through highschool. Yet after highschool we sorta drifted apart. The thing I hated the most was I would see her and miss her yet all I can say is “We should hang out!”. Both of us knowing the day may never come. She then got a big corporate job out of state.
I then met one of the greatest girl. Tan skin and a gorgeous smile with small dimples, she had the rockstar attitude. A girl who didn’t care of anyones opinion but her own. I saw in her an ambition to be a better her for herself, she was great. We then started to hang out and talk. Later in time she then intrduced me to her friends some of who I thought were the weirdest chicks.
Then came “That ugley girl”. She sat down at the table with us, she had a sidekick or so it looked like that. I had met the sidekick in the 6th grade when we had science together she dressed like she was attended a private school for just her. Pig-tails, Black shoes, High-Socks, and Uniform. I always adored the way she carried her self, see the thing was she knew she was not perfection. Yet she was not scared to get there. Slowly throughout the years we became slowly close. We were always together I respected the fact that even if she did not fel confident about herself she never doubted to try her best, wored makeup, and got dressed. I guess it was year’s later when I started to notice a dark cloud above her. Not as a bad thing, she always tried to bring out the sun. I thought she would have graduated and attended college to become a fashion designer or something.
Her leader was a girl, whom in my unknow reason of why she was hated by everyone. When I first met her she gave off this strong approach, I did not take it as her being rude. I knew that it was her with her guard-up. This chick had strength in which I did not come to realize until years later. Highschool came around and we became good friend’s also. The thing I never understood was people hated her, I mean “Hatred” is a strong word. There is no other words I can put it in, but only hate. People never really bothered to get to know her or even ask her how is she, but they easily just judged. So, the thing is she was stable she was good. I think when parents seperate the kid seperate from who they thought they were, and what they thought everything was also. I am pretty sure she knew she was a fighter she was able to make it through what i thought many people couldn’t. Having to get out of school walking, because your mom is in jail. Wow, major prop’s huh?!
I wonder what people would think of her, if they were to see the struggles she succeeded.. A girl who works two jobs and pay’s her house bills because her mother doesn’t work. When I say girl I mean 17-year old. Someone who takes care of her younger brother and sister’s. She was later then won the lottery how blessed is she! She was finally able to provide all her family need’s and graduated college and is now running her own bussiness.
Anyway’s, I also met this rude red head! A girl who I thought had no ending to criticism. It makes me laugh now at how we use to argue to each other acrross the table. She was simple not vanilla, but simple. Spoken what was on her mind, calm. Non-rebilious. We somehow agree’d to disagree on things. We then became friends. Shortly after we were finally friends did she move to California. I was upset. Due, to the fact that we finally got passed our stupidity and were friends. Shortly after did her father pass away. We all had wished to have been there for her as moral support, somehow just there a little more than what we could be.
The red head had a best friend. A literally innocent girl. Someone who was suprisingly too innocent. This girl would wear long blue jean skirt’s and did not know about a lot of things. Example, She asked us what a condom was and what did it have to do with sex. I laughed so hard! I liked the fact that she was innocent, someone who I thought would be good and stay like that. I was wrong as we became friend’s we both started going through a bad path. Skipping rebilious teens, I think we all have a slight rebel phase when in high school. After high school she realized that she could be doing better things and she did. She was later on to start college, and is now wokring as a personal shopper and make-up artist.
Not A Saint
I know, I am not a saint. I was a teenager I have had my share of error’s. See the thing was, have you ever had that moment when you know something isn’t right yet you continue to do it?
I have been that dumb to notice it but to not stop. That’s the thing about growing up knowing to accept your error’s. I accept it. The point is not about bringing out people mistakes but to show you the greatness they bring when in a struggle. I have had my share of struggles.
I had lost my father in a accident. The body was not found and after that accident, I had began to start working long hours and days. My mom was so mad as if my father had left her for another woman. She couldn’t feel the need to be sad, for she knew if she was to be sad it wouldn’t help her move on. My mother stood strong for us.
My sister was a religious person and always believed in the lord, and she knew that he was in gods heaven’s. My sister was a person who never lost faith and always at church believing the lord is full of great blessings. My brother was upset, but was a person of short words.
A Little More Me?
So, you are probably wondering what happen to me. Well the thing is I won the power ball twice. Pretty lucky, huh? I had quit my job right away and was able to help my mother with any bills. I had later invested the money and my share had actually doubled in less than a year. I was helping charity’s acrross the globe.
I was living the great life cruising in new york, shopping in paris and italy. Could not get any better. I was having the time of my life. See we were able to help people in a million ways.
I never thought I would lose my great-grandmother. She is a Queen to me. Her wise words to me. “It does not matter what people think of you. Whether you are rich or poor, you should always forgive people. You might do something and would want to be forgiven.”
I always thought it would be years later when me and my friends came together. I would lay around wondering how akward it would be when we would come around each other again.
So, In my writing I did what any good friend would do fix things… This is how things actually were.
The dark skinned girl with the curly hair, was not actually born here. It was not untill later when she finally fixed her credential’s and is now able to find better job opportunities. We do see each other a lot more now.
The tan skinned with the dimples Years later she became someone who I thought I knew everything about, to someone I know nothing about. See the thing was her was not the drug’s or the alchohol or attitude. It was her being frighten of who she was and who she wanted to be. I don’t think I could have ever judged her as the way she maybe thinks I did. I just did not support her in the ways of her error’s. The thing was I was not mad but hurt that she could wrap her self more around a guy then what she could with her friend’s. It was when something bad would happen with her and her relationship she would come find us. I then got the courage she had then to comfront her. I told her I would always be there for her for if she is there for me. Not just when a guy comes around. I thank god she has found herself in a better position than what she was then.
I know she is not comfortable with herself, for now she is worried about what people think about her. More then what she think’s about herself. I know she will come to find a way to be happy with who she is which is the way I have always seen her. Someone strong and confident.
The side kick had slowly started to rot away. Like something beginning to mold into something bitter. I wish I could have taken away that dark cloud. Slowly did she start to become, someone she did not want to be. A girl who would look at her self with disgust and go along with it, as if she just had to put up with her-self. See, the thing with her was more than just a depression. It was a mental illness. I believe when you are young you should be your strongest. You go through bullying, drugs, abuse. It is a lot to take in. I wish there was a way to erase the moment she cried to me about wanting to commit suicide, she believed the way to get rid of the pain was to get rid of herself. I was speechless, for I couldn’t say much. Years went by and I gave up, she also gave up on herself. She was fighting a huge drug abuse and left to mexico, I have not heard of her much but she says she is married and is doing better.
Then her “Leader”, The thing with her was not the struggle she wen’t through young tho, it was the struggle she wen’t through trying to be an adult. I mean, what’s with people now and days?
You date someone and all of a sudden your wrapped around their finger? So, Not cool. I don’t mind doing favor’s for people especially not my friends. If they need something when they are struggling, I was always willing to help and my parents always helped them too. I appreciated that, the fact that my parents knew our friendship was that strong. I guess there is just a point where helping someone becomes a relying on someone. It turned into bieng there as a friend, into bieng there as assistance. It’s sad when after a while of just hanging out to just hang out becomes, hanging out because they need a favor. I slowly parted myself from that. She believes in the things she is doing is “Ok”. Drinking and Dating different guys every know and then when needed for assistance “$$”.
The red head actually is living near and has not changed much so I guess I did not put much imaganation on that she is attending college and is doing great.
Her friend “The Innocent Girl”, Things got worse after highschool ended. She started drinking, smoking, and having sexual intercourse. Years to now she was the one who was able to bring us together which is weird, well not her but her baby. See, she is now pregnant and it was her pregnancy that brought us together. We know its a difficult ride for her but she is making it and has changed the rebelious attitude. Not fully innocent but just enough to remember who she was, and who she wants to be.
The Ending Of Me.
I lost my father 3 years ago, the reason my mother was so mad as if he had left her for another woman is because he did. My mother had lost herself in a depression. I know my father is the first thing she thinks about and the last when she goes to sleep. She was in a depression so deep, she couldn’t get out of bed.
See, when a wife loses her husband in anyway her other half its as if they lose all whole scene of security.. Women are those who transform anything they touch, there is nothing higher on earth. She knew she had to pull through for her family pull through.
My sister had actaully lost her faith with god and has somehow grew anger towards him, as if it was his fault. It took her a while to realize that everyone is responsible for their own choices and that the lord can help them if they ask for help. I guess, I can say my sister is my rock also and I would have not had made it so far without her. My brother is still a person with few words.
So, I began thinking in my head as if I had all the money in the world and I imagined myself going to big new york parties just like the people on T.V, where nobody has any real problems and everything’s solved within 30-minutes. I tried to imagine myself as, a young wealthy rich man. But I was so angry I was like a teen Steven Seagal wanting to fight the whole world. For a while I even lost myself in work, working long hour shifts just to distract my mind. I then realized that my dream’s of being a writer wouldn’t just come true. I had to do the work. And as I wrote about life, I relived it, and whatever I didn’t like. I rearranged it.
- The more I write the more I understand myself and why I had made the choices I made, and that was the real jackpot. I learned that dreams don’t work without action, I learned that no one could stop me but me. I learned that love is stronger than hate, and most important. I learned that God does exist. He is right inside you, underneath the pain, the sorrow, and the shame.